I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
