Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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