New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
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