he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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