She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
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