btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
