Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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