I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
