i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
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He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
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Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
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