I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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