I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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