Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
