Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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