just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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