If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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