Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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