All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
