I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I hate all girls vehemently.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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