dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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