They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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