Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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