Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
