I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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