she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
