my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
well you can't waste a boner
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
