OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Randomize
