Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
