weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
