I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
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