I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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