I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize