giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
