I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
