Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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