remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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