so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
