smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
