epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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