I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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