he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
