I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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