i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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