Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
