i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
