I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
