Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
