fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
