You were right. It hurts to walk today.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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