being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
