I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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