Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
