and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
