just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
