I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
