Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
