I heard we made out
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
