sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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